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Thursday, February 24, 2011

Contextual Pornography

Context is a funny thing.

That's all I've got for a lead in...so I guess that I'll get right to it.

I find it very interesting that Christian women have revealing photos taken of themselves and post them online through various social media networks. I know I'm old fashioned....and I'm sure that will be abundantly clear by the end of this post....but hasn't something happened to decency and modesty over the years? They're virtually disappearing...in the name of "context"....let me explain...

A Christian woman (not "all" but many) has no problem posting a photo of herself in a bikini taken at the beach and stored in some social media photo album under the heading "Summer Vaca '10" or "Aruba with the Fam"...in this full body photo, the woman is wearing something that is covering about 9% of her body..and what is covered is skin tight...hardly anything left to the imagination. And this photo is not only tolerated by others in the same Christian circle, but peppered with comments like: "U look Beautiful" and "Wow...Hott". Now....imagine it in a different context.....

same woman, same pose, same amount of skin showing....BUT....instead of a bathing suit...it's underwear. And...instead of the photo being of her standing on the beach, she's lying on a bed....nothing about the visibility of her body has changed...but he context has...now...in those same Christian circles...this photo is disastrously inappropriate and vulgar.

Or

There's thousands of photos of teenage (or younger)girls online (again, many in Christian circles) taken in a dance studio or during a recital while they are wearing tight, revealing leotards or skin-showing "Dance-wear" and no one thinks twice....It's regarded as "stunning" and "adorable". Take the same contextual scenario played out above, and you've got borderline child pornography charges on your hands.

Modesty is a dissolving virtue in our culture. This concept of contextually acceptable promiscuity baffles me. As with most of my dilemmas...I have no real answers, just a handful of thoughts and a bewildered mind. But..I guess that I can say....

There's tremendous pressure, in our culture, for a woman to look a certain way, dress a certain way, etc. The reality is that (especially for the younger women) many are doing this out of huge insecurities in order to gain acceptance in their social circle which is dominated by an army of idiotic, unskilled, disrespectful, poorly-parented boys.

I guess this is the closest that I've ever come in my blog to anything that could be described as a "rant". I'm sure that if I stared at this screen long enough...I'd just keep typing and typing on the subject...so I'll call it quits...While there's more that I'd probably like to say...the lion's share of my rant has been layed out. I guess, in the end....

I'm grateful for a modest wife. I'm grateful for the privilege of raising a little girl to be a virtuous, modest, young woman and eventually....wife. I pray for those who feel that they need to display themselves in such suggestive ways in order to boost their self esteem or be accepted into their social circles....or even more...

I especially pray for those who just think that it's innocent and o.k.

Friday, February 18, 2011

Let's Shake On It.

The PA based band, Live, wrote a song in the early 90's called "The Beauty of Gray" which contained the lyric: "This is not a black and white world, to be alive, I say the colors must swirl"....and I buy that, to a degree, but there are some things that contain little to no middle ground....examples:

You either know how to throw a frisbee or you don't.
You can either parallel park or you can't.
You either love black licorice or you hate it.
You can either hit a curve ball or you can't.
You either "get" John Coltrane or you don't.
You either know how to BBQ or you don't.
You either have a good handshake or you don't.

That last one is what I want to touch on.

It's important, especially as a male, in our society to have a solid handshake. Throughout history, deals have been made and broken based on the quality of a handshake. It's an often overlooked skill, but, in my opinion, there are far too many weak handshakes given out these days. Now, admittedly, there are dozens of different types of handshakes...the pound, the fist bump, knuckles, the crusher, the soul brother, palm up, palm down, the "double cover", the close-shaker, the hipster, the queen fingertips, the yank-and-pull, the lingerer, the sweater, the politician, the hand wrestler, the teacup...the list goes on and on.
Tonight I taught Gavin how to give a good, solid handshake. In order to know how to give a good handshake, it is important to know the specifics of what makes up a bad handshake. We focused on three specific handshakes:
1. The Dead Fish
This is the handshake where you extend your hand only to receive a limp wristed, pressureless wad in return. No grip. No firmness. It feels more or less like you just grabbed an uncooked boneless chicken breast. A quick story:
I have a friend of mine who tells this story....(I won;'t reveal who he is, but if he reads this, he'll immediately know that I'm talking about him)...
he was a product of the 70's and 80's music scene...he had the rare opportunity to meet one of his musical heroes....here he was, face to face with someone who had a major influence in his life...a man who's music and lyrics helped define him as a teenager....and at that moment of truth...he extends a hand to his hero...finally making a physical connection after years of distant inspiration....and he gets.....
The Dead Fish
worst handshake ever.
completely causes him to reevaluate everything he's ever known about the guy.
so sad.

At the other end of the spectrum is "The Vice"

This one usually comes from someone who has a buried insecurity about themselves. They feel the need to squeeze your hand to the point that you start to lose key motor function. They must have "the upper hand" as it were....they need you to know that they are, while existentially inferior, physically dominating....this handshake is no good. It only leaves the receiver feeling like they've just met some confused, pathetic, doofus.
Then I taught Gavin about the right way to shake a hand...I'll call it "The Solid".

A firm grip, but not too firm. never over match someones grip. let them determine the intensity. Maintain eye contact through the entire shake. Two full arm pumps, no more. Don't be afraid to break away first and NEVER cover with the opposite hand. And tell them "It's a pleasure to meet you".

That handshake will get you places.

Our society is raising the wimpiest male generation on record. As fathers, let's commit to teaching our boys how to work, how to build, how to suck it up, how to lead, and how to have a firm handshake. If we can at least get that far....there may be some hope for the next generation. But let's start slow....

For the love of God...don't ever...EVER, let your son give a "Dead Fish".

Thursday, February 10, 2011

What else are you supposed to do in the Freezing Cold?

O.K....so let me just start by saying that I'm 100% positive that by the end of this post, there will be several people out there who think that our family (or at least me...and especially my dad) needs serious help...and I'm o.k. with that. Before I get into what happened, let me offer this caveat:
Around here, we fancy ourselves amateur explorers...we're blessed to live in an area with so much nature so close by....we feel it's important to seize opportunities to check stuff out..especially in nature. Dissecting a beehive, eyeballing a bunch of frog eggs, prodding a beaver lodge, examining animal tracks in the snow, identifying bird species at the feeder, breaking up a pine cone, checking out milkweed seeds pods....we love this kind of stuff. There really is no better way to learn about nature, science, God....than to get right in the middle of it and soak it in. That brings us to the activity at hand:

Frozen Roadkill Science Extravaganza.

Before I go any further, let me say this...my father is a rather unique guy. He loves The Lord so much. He loves his family so much. I am an only child...my children will be his only grandchildren. he loves them so much. He lives to show them interesting things. My dad's the kind of guy that can (and has) designed and built an entire house from the ground up, but literally has no clue how to turn on the DVD player to watch a movie. Let me pause and show you the guy I'm talking about:

Here he is in all his glory. He broke his hand shoveling snow off the roof last week. He told the orthopedic to give him the "brightest cast that they had". That pretty much tells you all you need to know about him. He's awesome. Anyway...back to the Roadkill.

2 weeks ago...my dad was so excited to tell me the story of how he found a dead hawk on the side of the road...in relatively good condition...frozen solid. He was so excited for me to show it to Gavin and Ivy and to teach them about it. It turned out to be a very cool experience. The Hawk was in very good condition. We looked at the markings and referenced them to a local bird field guide and found it to be a Sharp-Shinned Hawk. We got to check out all of the cool aspects of this bird...the reptilian feet and talons...the curved beak, the sharp eyes. It may sound really weird and disgusting to you...but what a cool opportunity it was for Gavin and I to explore this awesome animal...this was the closest that we would ever come to one of these creatures. Getting to see all of the little parts that makes it such an efficient hunting machine.....it was great stuff. I regret that we didn't take a picture of it, but we did save a few tail and wing feathers:



Definitely cool...but nowhere near as cool as what my dad found yesterday.

He emailed me to tell me that he had something amazing to show me...and...if you are into frozen roadkill...he was right on.

A Fisher Cat.

Dead...but very well preserved. Now, for those of you not in the know....
the Fisher Cat (or Fisher, to some) is, pound for pound, one of the most deadly animals on earth. It looks somewhat like a big weasel and is a relative of the marten. They have the ability to rotate their hind paws 180 degrees...which gives them the ability to climb trees and then turn and descend them head first (unlike a cat or raccoon, which has to "back" down")...because of this, they are considered as efficient a hunter as a puma or leopard. If you live in MA and have had a pet cat killed, chances are it was at the hands of a Fisher Cat. Pretty much, whatever they hunt...they kill. But the craziest thing about them isn't this...it's their call.
The call of a Fisher Cat is other-worldly....it literally sounds like a small child in horrid pain and great distress. Like a little girl being brutally injured...google it, check it out. We hear them throughout the Spring and Summer in the woods near our house...it's chilling.
I've heard calling as close as our back yard, but have never spotted one. Until yesterday:

He was awesome to check out....his teeth, his claws...the pads on his feet that looked just like a house cats. He's got an amazing coat....super soft and full. We had a great time checking him out. We're going to give him to a family friend who is into taxidermy to see what he can do with it.

Call it weird...call it bizarre....but the fact is....God gave us this amazing world to explore....we pay 25 bucks a pop to go to a zoo to check out exotic animals at 100 feet away....we got to do the same thing...just frozen and at point blank range. Is it really so weird?

Thank You, Lord...for these amazing creatures....for the tools that you give them to survive...teeth....claws....talons...instinct....how much more to you care for and equip us?

Friday, February 4, 2011

Know that you Know that you Know.....

Remember the old Schoolhouse Rock PSA's that ran during Saturday morning cartoons? (do they even have Saturday morning cartoons anymore??) In their theme song were the lines "It's great to learn, 'cause knowledge is power".
They were onto something.
This post qualifies as "Stuff that rolls around in my head from time to time..."

It's important to know stuff. And that fact works on many levels.
On a basic social, entertaining, and somewhat pedestrian level:
It's important to know:
- 3 good "clean" jokes.
- 10 relevant-to-many-occasions Bible verses.
- A local place where you can get a good burger/taco (preferably with a good jukebox).
- How to parallel park (and drive stick shift...and drive around the closest big city to you without a map/GPS).
- How to rub/braise/smoke a rack of ribs.

I could go on and on with this list. There's literally thousands of stupid things the average person should know how to pull off. I'm sure there's tons that you'd like to add. Feel free to do so in the "comments" section of this blog.

Now, go a level or two deeper.

I recently had a conversation with a friend about home ownership and home maintenance. It went something like this:
"Back when our grandfathers were our age (30 somethings), what percentage of them would you say knew how to, and had the in-house resources to, change out a length of water pipe should it burst in the middle of the night in the middle of Winter?"
"Maybe 90-95%."
"I think that's right on. Now...When our parents were our age, what percentage of them could change out a length of water pipe should it burst?"
"Maybe 40-50%."
"That also, is probably close to being right on. Now, what percentage of homeowners our age, in our day, could change out a water pipe should it burst in the middle of the night, in the middle of Winter?"
"I dunno, maybe 10%?
"I think that's probably right on."

Do you agree?

What's happening here? This example of replacing a water pipe can be extrapolated out to include a huge array of skills:
carpentry, electrical, plumbing, automotive repair, fabrication, small engine repair, gardening, farming, home/business maintenance, accounting, you name it. The bottom line is that there is a major decline in "skill sets" for the average American.

The fact is....we are becoming more and more increasingly unskilled by the generation....and many are forced to rely on the few that continue to maintain that knowledge. And that "few" can pretty much charge whatever they want for their services.

I know of a family that had to pay $900 to replace 2 1/2 sheets of sheet rock due to some minor water damage. That's a $100 job at best....but...if you don't know how to do the work...you are at the mercy of those who do. They can sit and charge you whatever they want because, hey?!, what's your alternative? Let it sit and rot?

If one were to burst a water pipe in the middle of the night tonight and had to call a plumber...it'd cost you $250 (at least) before they even walked through the door. that's before they'd charge you $125 an hour plus materials to fix a water leak. (note: replacing a 4 foot piece of 1/2" copper pipe wouldn't cost more than $25 in materials). But...the fact is...you can't do it...they can...you are at their mercy.

Again...I could go on and on with stories and examples of why it's important to know how to do stuff. I'll spare you...

I dunno why I'm even posting this...maybe it's because there's 8 feet of snow everywhere. Roofs are collapsing all over the Commonwealth. There's going to be TONS of roofing/gutter/plumbing work to be done once this snow finally melts and there's going to be thousands of residents who are going to pay 30x over cost to get a job done that they could have done themselves with a little initiative, know-how, and a fraction of the $$ that they are going to shell out for someone else to fix it for them.

For anyone looking to get educated in these areas....
- there's TONS of DIY websites with thousands of videos posted on hundreds of different subjects. I learned how to change out the front brakes on my minivan as well as learned how to lay laminate flooring by watching these vids...and saved hundreds in the process vs. hiring someone to do the jobs:

http://www.diynetwork.com/

http://www.ehow.com/videos.html

If you are more of a "hard copy" learner...pick up the Home Depot "orange book". It's got just about everything you would need to know about any home improvement/maintenance issue that would arise.

I guess, for me and mine, it all comes down to preparedness. I have a desire to have a working knowledge of just about everything that I'd every have to deal with in maintaining/fixing/protecting/providing for my home. I've accumulated lots of knowledge/experience. I have TONS to learn.

I see things...like what is going down in Egypt right now. I think of the fathers there. I think about what is going through their minds. How to care for, maintain, provide for their families. What to do to protect and feed them. I want to hold a cache of resources and knowledge should that level of adversity every come against my community and family.

I guess at the end of the day, some stupid Saturday morning commercial kind of summed it up:

"Knowledge is Power"

Well...I don't need power...I need provision....and protection....and Knowledge helps bring about those as well.

That's enough for me. .

Wednesday, February 2, 2011

Randon Acts of Cabin Fever

So...some thick, nasty, lingering cold bug decided it was a good idea to visit the Leo family's immune systems for a few days. We've all got it, to some degree. Couple that with one of the 10 worst Winters in Southern Worcester County, MA history, and you've got the recipe for some hardcore inside activities. Between snow removal and child sanity, we've been on a sometimes-pleasant-sometimes-frantic level of damage control. It hasn't been without its frustrating moments but...with a house full of snowed in sickies, what else would you expect.
Here's how we killed some time this week:


The boy managed some quality schooling time.


The fabrication of "MegaTent".


MegaTent Story Hour


We celebrated Ivy's 1 1/2 year old birthday, complete with Crazy Cracky Blu-Jello Cake...strange..yet delicious.


The Indoor Clothesline of Randomness. That's a "Shins" CD hanging in the middle there.


Tiny Plastic Animal Wildlife Refuge. A few things to note:
1. The big cats eating the zebra in the front left corner...we had a lesson on the "circle of life" today..although Gavin said that he wants to wait until he's 16 to see The Lion King.
2. The upside down clear plastic tote in the far right corner. That was "Animal Jail". What you can't see is the angry gorilla who's in jail, but just outside the photo...he's in there for fighting. At one point, the orangutan got sent to solitary for flinging poo. We don't take any nonsense here at Tiny Plastic Animal Wildlife Refuge, you got me?

All in all...some good times, some frustrating times, some tears, some creative play, some bacon, some boogies, some Winnie the Pooh on video, some puke buckets, some blu-jello cake...we did o.k. We also saw a few new Winter birds at the feeder during this storm, which was pretty cool.

Spring feels like a myth, and even though I'm enjoying this crazy Winter...I'd be lying if I said that I wasn't chomping at the bit to get ready for planting season.
My grandmother always says..."After March 15, we start getting nice days"...We've got lots of new gardens and lots of new ideas for this year. Not to get ahead of myself...but I can already taste the fresh pickles.

But the 9 foot snowdrifts have got to melt first.